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Husband Antics
Posted by
PEGASUS
27 Jun 2006 11:21am
Mrs. Fenton, our store is considering banning your
family from ever shopping with us unless your husband
stops his antics.
Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all
verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill
Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares....and watched what
happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a
bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring
pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him,
he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave
me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it
as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his
"Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over
the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and
screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly,
"There is no toilet paper in here!"
lmao
Posted by
getoutoftown
(VIP) 29 Jun 2006 8:21pm
Once again u had me rolling in the floor. My ex-girlfriend actually did #2 in a wal-mart at 3 0 a.m. looking for the loudest model available.
Another great one
Posted by
Kaupanger
(VIP) 30 Jun 2006 10:09am
Still an avid reader of this column and getting a particular kick out of the frequent contributions from Pegasus. I feel sorely tempted to try all the above.
ok i admit it
Posted by
purple_dragon13
2 Jul 2006 10:31pm
i have done several of the above and i also admit to the following offences but in mitigation this makes me laugh and is payback for all the times i was embarrased going through the check out with a sreaming kid! Please also bear in mind i have 5 children 3 boys 2 girls who were all equally embarrasing as small children
A)pressing every tickle me elmo in the shop and running away
B)i admit that press me and try me toys have a fascination for me and i must press all of them one after the other then run away
c)dancing (john travolta style) to the in house music in woolworths
D) holding up the biggest pair of underwear i can find (46ff bras or xxx brown y-fronts) and saying " are these thse ones you wanted?"
E)filling my trolley with the entire aisle of kotex and tampax when out with the boys
F)asking my 15 year old loudly if this was was the batman suit he wanted
G)loudly telling my 13 year old goth if she really wanted those pink fairy wings she would have to buy them out of her own money
H) see g but insert 19 year old boy
I) demonstrating said fairy wings with actions
J) purposly putting sexy underwear for me in the trolley while out with any teenager saying "your dad will really like these!"
H) i have rolled in the aisle at asda/walmart screaming and kicking saying "its not fair" mimicking my two year old
G)having a "can you eat chocolate so fast that i don't have to pay for it?" race at the checkoutwhile the cashier is listening
i would appologise for my sins but how much fun would that be?
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