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AH.....CHILDREN
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AH.....CHILDREN
Posted by
theboatman
(VIP) 4 May 2004 8:53pm
For those with NO children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh,' it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs
to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was
trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,'..And
so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?'The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you
think that man said?' One little boy raised his hand and said, 'I think he
said...'Holy ****! A talking pig!' The teacher was unable to teach for
the next 10 minutes.
25. And finally: 60% of the men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.
ROFL!!!!!!
Posted by
PEGASUS
4 May 2004 10:32pm
I'm sure I could add to these from personal experience ... sooooooo funny!!
Thanks boatman for some good chuckles. 
Peg
lol
Posted by
(VIP) 5 May 2004 10:54am
Yes it's true i'd love to mix Clorox
and brake fluid to see the smoke lol. After all, what man wouldnt experiment with this.
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According to the statutes of most states in the United States, gambling is defined as: "risking something of value upon the outcome of a contest of chance". (Also see No Gambling!). The skill (as opposed to chance) is predominant in games of skill. Playing games of skill for $prizes, therefore, has nothing to do with gambling as it is not a contest of chance -- the more skillful player will win far more often. The chance element of a 'gamble' is either insignificant or missing. When players compete in tournaments or games of skill for $prizes -- it is "competitive entertainment" rather then "gambling". The more skilled winner will always win more matches, tournaments and $prizes.
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