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raising boys
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raising boys
Posted by
utahma
(VIP) 23 May 2005 9:46am
For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, it is hilarious!
For those who have children nearing this age, it is a warning!
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control!
Things I've learned from my boys:
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Roller blades, they will ignite.
3. A 3-yr old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-lb boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enuf, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you et a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six yr old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 yr old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 yr old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much JellO you put in a swimming pool you still cannot walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like JellO.
15. VCRs do not eject Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches even though TV commercials show that they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire dept has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
NOTE: 80 percent of men who read this will try mixing the clorox and brake fluid.
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