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Dear Beloved Pets
Posted by
PEGASUS
(VIP) 26 Aug 2005 7:17pm
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine, and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping
me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a 'secret exit' from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut,it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the
knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline
attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have
posted the following on our front door, so visitors to our home know
what the rules are here:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
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Play gin-rummy tournaments online
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