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MIDDLE WIFE...true story  |
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MIDDLE WIFE...true story
Posted by
PEGASUS
(VIP) 14 Feb 2006 12:05am
This one is a true story told by a second grade teacher. FUNNY !!
MIDDLE WIFE
Some words you'll have to think about to know just what she was
'meaning' but if you sound the words aloud, you'll get what word it should
be...this is just too funny!
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get
over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles , model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'' Now the kid's doing this hysterical
duck walk, holding her back and groaning. 'My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man'. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this'. Then
Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew
up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' It was too much!
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.''
They started counting, but never even got past ten.' 'Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said
was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat!
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
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